p for paradox.

"I'M SIGNIFICANT!!!…screamed the dust speck."

Archive for the month “January, 2012”

what’s your PH?

Huh? I mean, Pursuit of  Happy-ness.

Be yourself, everybody else is taken.

Image

facebook, no more.

One of THE most important decisions of my life. [How i wish!]

Welcome back to the bona fide world. Where friends TALK. Where likeness is not a number. Where checking in means a key to your hotel room. Where timeline is a walk down the history lane.

I just deactivated my Facebook account a few days back. A split moment decision. I was NOT keeping off it. One fine evening, while snooping around on some random people’s pics and wall posts, suddenly realised what a negative high it bestowed upon thee. For all I know, the dude / dudette/ others, care the least what I am upto for God’s sake. Let’s face it, they just don’t. For the few real friends out there who really do, who needs F to jabber with them. Skype I love.

I know all that jazz about its upto you and your privacy settings [‘privacy’ ha ha ha, such a misnomer!], as to what influence F has on your daily life – positive or perverse, slight or significant. But seriously, the rule is simple, you get out of it as much as you put into it. This was the problem, I was spending way too much time and heed to F. If I like a pic, I will end up actually liking it. As in, with that thumbs-up thingy out there. Why wouldn’t I? If I feel a comment is stupid, I will convey my sarcasm to it, and strongly enough for people to feel the need to reply to it. Why wouldn’t I? That was the trouble. The ‘why-wouldn’t-I’ part. It was like pursuing those unwritten rules of basic Facebook etiquettes. You just gotta airtel in one way or the other. Like-it, tag-it, rsvp-it,comment-it. But don’t ignore-it. Which can be easily translated to a quantifiable notification set thrown back at you regularly, almost every minute.

I was not a passive FBer. But that’s my predicament. Everyone has that ONE catch-22, and this is mine. I am not usually passive, unless its way too emotional. Then I get annoying. Almost caustic. Specially to my close ones. Specially those who wouldn’t get it that something’s wrong. But anyways, that’s not the point. The timeline is…, sorry,the baseline is,that F is miles away from emotions, so it was not possible for me to just sit and ponder over things while I am at it. So, the intrinsic motivation to stay away from F didn’t work for long, a few hours maybe. Tried disabling all notifications directly reaching my mail box. But it was too late. Nothing could stop me from logging in. Thought of disabling my wall – How about “Yeah I am here guys, but you cannot contact me Ha Ha!” Why are you here then peeping Tom?! To silently snoop around? Hmm, not healthy! And a bit rude too.

Anyways, Addiction hit. Badly needed external moderation. So just went ahead and BOOM! GONE!

Had 2 very instantaneous feelings – (i) Sheah! what will I do in life now? and (ii) My my! there are actually 24 hours in a day.

So from the next day, I didn’t have much to wander around in boring meetings. The result? I end up focusing on the agenda, get it over with, and ummmm, stare out of the window maybe. For more, checking out F is not the default last-thing-before-I-sleep anymore. For all I care, I wouldn’t have started posting on this blog if I had my hourly notifications to check and respond too (obligations, you see).

But somewhere I know it’s just a phase. I just needed a break from this relationship. This affair with F. I am not sure if I will be back. Maybe soon. Maybe never. But I swear, there is something inside me that’s amused. Intoxicated, but with a positive high. Nature’s happy-high state I believe. I think it’s the frequency of the inner voice being able to get in touch with me, after long.

Let’s try listening to it for a change.

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update circa post-valentijndag: Just ended a long chat with Sin. 87% timepass, but totally interesting. He thinks this is ‘one of those hasty decisions’ I take in my life. I agree, maybe. And anyways, his affair with FB has only strengthened this past one year so he refuses to side by me! But seriously, whenever you read this Sin, it had nothing to do with my love life 🙂 Grown up girl you see. Though the one thing I definitely miss is those random fraand requests from your dorm mates! Ha!

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update i am back. And I am not enjoying it really. Dad suggested I should get back, maybe it was one way he could keep a passive track of me ha ha! Just kidding, but I guess he thought its an easy way for everybody else to keep in touch with me. So it was basically about everybody else. God only knows why I listen to him every time!
anyways, this is when I logged in again.

this funny journey

“this journey is funny”, she says to me,
I nod, smile and say ‘its just that I have the key’,
the key to smile,
the key to fly a mile,
the key to dream,
but it takes a while…
to swim upstream.
But sometimes its lonely out there, isnt it?
My smile fades away and my mind wanders haywire
but i remember the secret and tell her
nothing is dire,
if there is even an iota to inspire,
and an inspiration to attract what you desire…
I snoop around here and there,
looking at what makes people ‘famous’
she tells me its the looks,
or you gotto be like Amos,
am sorry Amos who?
and i think again,
what to do…
I sometimes try to hide from the world, I confess,
she gives that smirk and whispers
sometimes you are the queen, and sometimes the pawn in chess…
so don’t let down!
can you just write the steps for me and i’l follow?
help me before its late, before i turn hollow…
no no you cant turn hollow she reassures me,
didnt you say just now that you have the key?
the key to smile,
the key to fly a mile,
the key to dream,
but it just takes a while…
to swim upstream.

cold blooded

– circa 30 nov, 2008

a sleep too scary,a night too long…

the heart sobs where do we belong…
did someone say the spirit never dies?
oh pls dont play with words,pls dont cross your eyes.

ironies unfold, and history repeats,
blood all around, dead bodies on the streets,
did u just say that time flies?
you gotto be killed, you need a chastise…

questions unanswered, solutions unheard,
the nightmares take glory, i dont fly like a bird,
did the dead soul crave ’stop playing with lies’?
as it shrieks loudly, the devils disguise…

some kill with ammo, others kill with speech,
we are fools, or are we impotent,
that we bear with the bloodsucking leech?
move on, be strong,
the fight is long,
we have the guns to face,
just pelt along.

a call to those died to save lives,
who defeated the demons so the mass survives….
did i just tell myself that we are one?
oh heaven, at last i can see the midnight sun…….

#sadnessInTaj

dilbert goes dutch

‘Commisioning’ a blog on a Friday morning is both good and bad. A strong reflection of both happy and a sad. I am a bit late than usual to my desk today. It’s normally time for my 3rd cuppa zwart koffie now but thanks to my 10 yr old given for an overhaul, I was dependent on the meander duo. They are cool, but their day starts a bit late 🙂

And well, my 10 yr old is the Volkswagen Golf here.

Being a Dilbert fan is both constructive and challenging. Wally, Dogbert, Alice but just a few Asoks…all are dawdling around as I write this post. The good thing is that I see humour is almost everything. The pointy haired manager is actually quite good-looking, and pretty cool. I have just started in this new role so I think I can be nice to him. My ‘boss’ however, is the red jacketed superwoman. I don’t see her very often, but I know she cares a lot for me. A young dynamic girl, away from her family, her BF, her friends, her country (that’s me not her), I gain empathy points straightaway! 😀 But yes, without putting logic to it, she is nice to me.

Catbert is literally jumping around, not sure if its excitement or nervousness. The point is that a few days back, he was asked to leave the organisation as per one of his own cost cutting programs [hah hah!!]. The data crunching and analysis for this program was done by me. But in no way do I hold myself responsible for his release. I swear I tried to warn him what the result could lead to. So you see, some days you are the pigeon and some days you are the statue. So thanks to a dilbertness in my blood, my day goes on super entertaining. The 8am-4pm colleagues, well, who are totally warm and cordial and mostly on holidays, are making it an endurable stint for me. It’s going to be one complete year soon. In the land of tulips and cheese and canals and windmills, and well, legal weed.

The problem is, when I am the only one who finds everything funny.

It feels everyone is slower than a herd of turtles cycling through peanut butter. And then the turtles will go on a vacation soon. #NeedSpeedInLife 🙂

What’s in a name.

Yes, i may be a foodaholic.
But, please no, this ain’t a food blog!

‘That which we call wisdom
By any other name would seem as
inane’ 🙂

To be or not to be…
Do be do be do!

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