p for paradox.

"I'M SIGNIFICANT!!!…screamed the dust speck."

facebook, no more.

One of THE most important decisions of my life. [How i wish!]

Welcome back to the bona fide world. Where friends TALK. Where likeness is not a number. Where checking in means a key to your hotel room. Where timeline is a walk down the history lane.

I just deactivated my Facebook account a few days back. A split moment decision. I was NOT keeping off it. One fine evening, while snooping around on some random people’s pics and wall posts, suddenly realised what a negative high it bestowed upon thee. For all I know, the dude / dudette/ others, care the least what I am upto for God’s sake. Let’s face it, they just don’t. For the few real friends out there who really do, who needs F to jabber with them. Skype I love.

I know all that jazz about its upto you and your privacy settings [‘privacy’ ha ha ha, such a misnomer!], as to what influence F has on your daily life – positive or perverse, slight or significant. But seriously, the rule is simple, you get out of it as much as you put into it. This was the problem, I was spending way too much time and heed to F. If I like a pic, I will end up actually liking it. As in, with that thumbs-up thingy out there. Why wouldn’t I? If I feel a comment is stupid, I will convey my sarcasm to it, and strongly enough for people to feel the need to reply to it. Why wouldn’t I? That was the trouble. The ‘why-wouldn’t-I’ part. It was like pursuing those unwritten rules of basic Facebook etiquettes. You just gotta airtel in one way or the other. Like-it, tag-it, rsvp-it,comment-it. But don’t ignore-it. Which can be easily translated to a quantifiable notification set thrown back at you regularly, almost every minute.

I was not a passive FBer. But that’s my predicament. Everyone has that ONE catch-22, and this is mine. I am not usually passive, unless its way too emotional. Then I get annoying. Almost caustic. Specially to my close ones. Specially those who wouldn’t get it that something’s wrong. But anyways, that’s not the point. The timeline is…, sorry,the baseline is,that F is miles away from emotions, so it was not possible for me to just sit and ponder over things while I am at it. So, the intrinsic motivation to stay away from F didn’t work for long, a few hours maybe. Tried disabling all notifications directly reaching my mail box. But it was too late. Nothing could stop me from logging in. Thought of disabling my wall – How about “Yeah I am here guys, but you cannot contact me Ha Ha!” Why are you here then peeping Tom?! To silently snoop around? Hmm, not healthy! And a bit rude too.

Anyways, Addiction hit. Badly needed external moderation. So just went ahead and BOOM! GONE!

Had 2 very instantaneous feelings – (i) Sheah! what will I do in life now? and (ii) My my! there are actually 24 hours in a day.

So from the next day, I didn’t have much to wander around in boring meetings. The result? I end up focusing on the agenda, get it over with, and ummmm, stare out of the window maybe. For more, checking out F is not the default last-thing-before-I-sleep anymore. For all I care, I wouldn’t have started posting on this blog if I had my hourly notifications to check and respond too (obligations, you see).

But somewhere I know it’s just a phase. I just needed a break from this relationship. This affair with F. I am not sure if I will be back. Maybe soon. Maybe never. But I swear, there is something inside me that’s amused. Intoxicated, but with a positive high. Nature’s happy-high state I believe. I think it’s the frequency of the inner voice being able to get in touch with me, after long.

Let’s try listening to it for a change.

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update circa post-valentijndag: Just ended a long chat with Sin. 87% timepass, but totally interesting. He thinks this is ‘one of those hasty decisions’ I take in my life. I agree, maybe. And anyways, his affair with FB has only strengthened this past one year so he refuses to side by me! But seriously, whenever you read this Sin, it had nothing to do with my love life 🙂 Grown up girl you see. Though the one thing I definitely miss is those random fraand requests from your dorm mates! Ha!

.

update i am back. And I am not enjoying it really. Dad suggested I should get back, maybe it was one way he could keep a passive track of me ha ha! Just kidding, but I guess he thought its an easy way for everybody else to keep in touch with me. So it was basically about everybody else. God only knows why I listen to him every time!
anyways, this is when I logged in again.

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  1. Pingback: these things. « p for paradox.

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